possible 2001

In the dark and shadowed nights ,

My mind fought  

while deserted thoughts,

 Sought to destroy my life

 My breath

 Yet upon awakening

 There are no fights

 Inside my dreary confines

 I found rest

the title wave subsided

 As thoughts came and went

 I had a few fits

 I chose to MoveOn

To not invite my fear and foe

 The shadow will not overcome me

Nor pull me down below

 For through my brothers and sisters

 Recovery is possible

2001

Swells a aches

my heart swells and aches..

my heart bleeds and breaks

your smile is like the breeze

if you kissed me

I would be brought to my knees.

Oh this lonesome heart

that feels such hurt

say you will stay with me

long never to be apart

my heart longed to be near

my heart felt light and clear

Your loveliness

Makes me breathless

My heart bleeds

That I could love you

with no reservations

lovely stay please

I am

Remember all the fire 

Remember all the need 

Where did it go dying on the vine of inequities.

I want heat and desire

 I want to be the destroyer 

I am unwanted 

I am nothing more then a pretty picture of an example 

I am unfulfilled promise

Negotiations gone wrong

Pent up desire and hate

Longing for more then I am

I want to be disheveled 

Messy and disturbing 

I want bold and dirty 

Complicate me

Fill me to the brim 

Let’s take it to the edge, teetering 

I am a scratch you can’t reach

A breath you can’t take.

 I am pain and love fitting like a glove on your hand.

I am sad for loss I can’t explain 

For a need I can’t express.

I am all things and nothing.

I am slowly dying.

2003 slut

 Woke up in a strange house with only my underwear on 

With most of my respects still intact

I have to thank God for that

Trying to fix my loneliness

Intimacy still lacking it in the end

What kind of person does that make me

Trying to impress be cool and frank

But in the end I am just a fake

I feel so less than I know I am

But it does not solve anything

Before you

Before you

 struggle I do
I miss the old me
How do I find the person I was
When you broke her so
Shredded into small pieces
Where did the confidence go
Defeated in the love game
My heart a shattered thing
To be quashed by your foot
My face a flame
With desolate pain
Who is this person
Who resides in this body
A warped reflection
Darkened by the lack of sun
That was the inner joy
Now I am just a memory
A recollection