swept off my feet

I want to be swept off my feet

Feel the fluttering of my heart.

I want to be moved, feel passion rage.

Wanted, needed, longed for I want to be obsessed

Overwhelmed by the blush in my veins, the promise in a kiss.

My heart skip a beat when I see you,

The need to touch so overwhelming that our hands touch when we pass.

I want to be someone’s “love of their life”

 I want it to be reciprocated.

I want to fall in love fast.

The sight of you will make me stutter.

My life would be completed by you.

The taste of your skin would make my heart flutter

If only I could find you

Sweep me off my feet

So many notebooks filled was poetry  thoughts and ideas and short stories bringing it  to my computer and the Internet so time-consuming ,it gives me hope that maybe in rewriting some of this  that I will find the creative juices to finish my book .

                      converse shoes
2001



My heart hung on my sleeve
for all the world to see
brought on by inconsiderate means
 your pain strained on your face
 tears fall unevenly to the floor
 as my heart bleeds
 seeping through your hands
 stomped on by your Converse shoes
 dried on hard concrete
 how are you in your dark place
 when will it be better will a mind lose its insanity
 I'm sickened by your presence
my insides twist I want to vomit
when your name rides on the edge of my mind
 my chest constricts and my heart is squeezed
 tighter harder on the inside
the only thought that comes to mind is why
 do we do this to each other
 driving each other mad
 stomping and throwing our guilt and grievances
 hate love  needing to be released 
from this torment the grasps
 reaches bends drives that inner peace
 long gone from our insignificant lives
desolate  life
 From others living in this tortured word
 pressed for breath this mind
trucks on ahead of the other thoughts
 of acceptance they can decide
 with the reality truly lives when death is all I feel
in my tortured heart
it is no more yours, then it is mine
 take your guilt and your shame
 give it someone else
 my apathy  is endless
for there is nothingness when it comes to you
 and your Converse shoes

2002


Years have passed by, gentle they've been

our eyes find each other in a crowded room

feelings grow larger with each passing moment.

  we're so mean , really awful

but our passions run deep

 I think of you every 24th  hour,  my Bonnie and Clyde I'll be

can I love you today, tomorrow, ever after

does that exist in this  dream

your breath is hot my cheek

burning my gentle flesh

the simple look smile or greeting

I'm yours In my dreams

we live happily you and I

can I keep you  just for my eyes to see

 the strength that holds you together

draws me like honey to a bee

and I fall apart  with your tender kiss

2004

Your kisses inflame my inner secrets
 soft and pliable your lips are
 gently massaging me demanding '  opening my soul
 showing me more in the world than there is
your kisses are like Rainbows
 intense light flashing in my minds eyes
of all things to imagine
 you kissing me tenderly
 the settings plain or extravagant
 as long as we agree to the love of our wet lips
 your breasts caressing my senses
 rocking me physically
 kisses that I know more than myself
 when your hand envelops me totally
 there's no surprise  to maddening passion
 spoken simply with the dance

2000
test of my love

Can I rip you wide open
screaming with black rage
 pouring forth the fire of your soul
 the pain that Sears the slain
 joy of a good strike
 nagging, impaling, on your instruments of desire
 each welt bringing hot burning
 sulfur flesh to the edge 
suffering the test of my love
hard I am
 let me press you are limits
  bring tears to your eyes
 let me penetration  you
 see if I can break your pride
  humiliate, you love you, bring your blush

waiting

Waiting
I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen
like my life is full like the air is pregnant.
 I feel like something is supposed to happen I don't know what it is and I'm just waiting for that moment .  feels like states for testing is pressing down on me and am waiting for my life  to open up to this possibility .
but waiting is inpatients

Jay tells me time does not exist                                                                                 2004
while he sits across from me
 acting like he's four
 trying to exact a smile
 rat tells me time is not on time
 while I sit here drinking coffee that is probably past its time
 my time either came and didn't see it
 or its yet to come
 but what is time
is is something  you  read on the clock
 this time a joke God place in our hearts
 or something  we have created to disillusion  ourselves

Where are you?                                                                                                   2006
My love,  my lover
 the man I have carried for
 when can I tell you all love
 I keep deep in my heart
 where are you. you thief
 you who stole into my heart
 like a bandit in the dark
 taking for me, never second looking
  or even thinking of giving
 where are you?  my demon
Watching my thoughts and my dreams
 wracking my body with emotional pain
 torturing my ideas of idealism
creating my grief
 where are you
My dream  my deceiver
 giving the false streams  we've created
 allowing the hope to form in my eyes
 daring to give my heart room
 telling the lies
that are my fruit of expectation
where are you
 my love
 my dreamer

                                                                                               2004
Miss you, here in my life                                                                                                
the daily checkups
 reality brought back
 the little black hole
 deep in my mind
 I feel as though you took the whim
 the important part of me
 alone on this platform
 breaching for me to find me
 allow me to find you
the us that used to be
 we don't exist
 who is the me
 without you
Adjusting is hard
 can we be  confidants 
 intimates to each other
I miss you

I'm stuck in stupid girl mode               2003
my tongue is just wagging
 nothing intelligible comes out
 i have lost the easy sense of wit
 no banter is coming forth
 I'm not even able to send you
I'm ready to scream and throw a fit
 but my blushes embrace me
 frozen as a deer caught in headlights
 eye contact makes me stutter  I would be horrified if you knew
I've tried to make contact
 small little gestures I am the full
 you are the Muse
 I bat my eyelashes my heart flutters
 I'm pining for you

Words that I write                                                                    2003
words on paper
 words to swim inside my head
 words that I can find no words for
 pain that has no description
 loss that has no name
 worry that fills an empty vocabulary
 stumped confused
 lost inside a mind
find solace in nothing
 prayers that feels so empty
thoughts that are so dark
 dreams that seem misplaced
 a miscarriage of the mind

I tell him Im gay I tell him im living a lie,
he says he wants me happy,
      lie,
I tell him im not in love with him,
but I could try harder
    lie
he says he can live with that,
I will be who he wants me to be
     lie,
he loves me
I love him
     lie
Its better this way
    lie