Mess

Let me let go

Of you

This body of flesh

He tears me up

Like my shredded napkin

Let there be an end 

A goodbye

I keep losing my breath 

Let it be true

 I cant handle this disrupt

If you really cared

You would let it happen

I can no longer try

To be what you need

Instead of what I crave

You barely tolerate 

Me being near

I can’t handle this fate

You come and go

Let’s just make it clear

Let me, let go

I’m tired of this mess

It’s such a shit show

Shame

This feeling inside

Wrenching and twisting me

Shame and guilt

I can not hide 

Eating my soul

For feelings I can’t control 

Your laugh is infectious 

Giving me rays of joy

It echoes in the mountains of my mind

I’m a creep, lurking behind 

Just to see that smile

Radiate on my darkness

Rental space occupied in my heart

Shame for how you feel

It’s not mine I just can’t end 

Guilt for making you uncomfortable 

Shame for a heart I can’t defend 

For love that I would steal 

make it go this overwhelming 

I’m tilted and unstable 

Filled with shame

This heart is Condescending

I have all the words of sorry

I am the one to hold the blame

your name

Written on my heart in sharpie

Covered in disgust 

For the way I made it awkward 

Losing all our trust

So now it’s all backward

For my shameful heart

Wish

I wish I was more 

That I could be someone 

That is happy and easy

Not this empty shell of a core

Broken and battered

I face this life of unease

My thoughts and feelings

in the wind scattered

I am meaningless words

I wish I was more

A thing I can see

 But everything’s blurry

I’m am the left behind

I wish I was more

Of the goodness in the world

Of sunshine

I am less then I should be

I am to much

Always in the wrong way

I wish I was more

Less hollow

Less of a lush

Lost

In a dark landscape 

And there is nothing I can say

I wish there was more

Are not

 I want you 

The way that my cat wants the sunlight 

stretched out and soaking it up

 feeling the warmth on their skin.

I want our moments to be bright

Meaningful, feelings amok

I want you like a warm blanket 

On a cold night

wrapped around me 

keeping me content

I want To be love drunk

Swooning on the high

 I want you like a hot shower

Relaxing in its touch 

Refreshing me

I want you 

Like a hot steamy night

Sweat glistening my body

The comfort of dark

I want you in a way your unprepared for

Takeing joy in what's right

Feeling us connect

I want to touch you

In the deepest parts of your soul

This journey we can embark 

I want you like a lover

With soft kisses 

And sweet embraces 

I want you like a fool

Ignorant of what others think

No longer hidden from cover

I want you to feel the same

No more near misses 

So into my arms 

You and I will sink

I want you to know my bliss

I want you for everything you are

And are not.

Friendship lost

A misunderstanding between adults

I thought you saw me

A question  that was to much

I bared my soul

Showed you all my faults

You lost the will to see

through all my bull shit

It was to fast a rush

Now It's taken its toll

We lost all meaning 

It will never be

Close friends confidantes

I am a lonely being

Nothing will ever fit

In the space we shared 

My loss stings

I feel this absence 

I shall drown it in tears

And drinks

For word not sent

Nothing mitigates 

As my heart breaks 

Over hungover controversy 

I regret all 

And find relief in pain

Of knowing I am wrong

Forgive me forget me

my friend that never was 

I saw to much in nothing 

Like so many things

Our friendship destroyed 

By a curious mind

 This is how we end